*** I will post notes often from Chapter One of the book this week. If you've got the book than you can benefit from Dr. Phil's straight forward delivery and experience. I know that everyone doesn't have the book, but hopefully you will be able to work along with us using our notes. Don't let the fact that you don't have the book, keep you from participating!! Kerrie has created a Dr. Phil page on our home page. We will post the chapter notes and everyone's comments, so we have a history of our own journey into self-discovery.

I've divided the chapter into workable posts for the board that present questions that hopefully will stimulate conversation, introspection, insights, and will probably bring to the surface some of those issues that we have buried and are eating over. I think you will find that these life strategies can be used in every aspect of your life.

Reading this book is not intended to be a passive experience. It is interactive. You must be involved to benefit. Get a journal and start writing down your answers to the questions that are presented from day one. Your journal is for your private use and you should be brutally honest there. (Dr. Phil would expect none less!!) So that we can benefit from each others comments and experiences, please post your general responses to the board as well, keeping in your own privacy and comfort in mind.

It would be great if we could get together once a week to have a book discussion. We have our own chat room associated with the board (go to our home page via the link at the top and there is a link to the chat room on that page.) How about Tuesday nights at 9 p.m. EST?

Okay, seatbelts fastened. Journal ready, pen in hand? Mind set and willing to be open and be brutally honest starting by answering these questions and looking deep into yourself?

Dr. Phil, we're ready to step into the driver's seat and take control of our lives!!!!!

Here we go!!!
 

IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!! Do you feel like you are one of the good guys/gals and life is just not fair? Your problems are important. You are important. What makes a problem big is simply that it is yours.

Don't feel as if you have to minimize your problems or apologize for them. Your problems need to matter to you. YOU are the one who can change them.

Don't get bogged down in the fairness of something -- you still have to deal with it.

What is bothering you?
What in your life is just not fair?

Do you have a strategy in your life, or are you just reactively going from day to day -- taking what comes?

Am I headed where I want to go?

Am I "settling" for my life because it is easier?

YOU WILL BE AND ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR OWN LIFE!!!

What does this mean to you? Do you look outside yourself for accountability? Do you blame other forces/people/events for your problem's

I'll tell you what's not fair....
Posted by Cas on 6/11/2001, 5:40 pm , in reply to "Dr. Phil McGraw's "Life Strategies" Chapter One!!!!!"
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I just got back from the surgeons office. A year ago, I tried to donate 1/2 of my liver to my little sister who needed a transplant to save her life. They found after opening up my abdomen that it wouldn't be possible for me to donate because of an abnormally small biliary duct. They closed me up, woke up my sister and told her the news, and I got a five day vacation at Cedars. Six months later I find out that I have-as a result of the surgery, an incisional hernia. Seven weeks ago they fixed that and told me to get back to my weight lifting and fitness routine at about four to six weeks. Last week while lifting weights I pulled something out. I may be up for a third surgery and again I am put out of the gym and any other strenuous activity for at least a month. I came into this completely healthy and without any problems. Nothing will ever be the same, and it will take at least a year for any kind of normalcy. Is this fair? I will say no. But was it my choice? Yes. I was willing to take whatever risks to help my sister. But I wasn't able to even come away with that. She did get a transplant about a month later, and things have been done a little differently in that transplant department since then. This provides some consolation. However the fact still remains that I am forever changed. I was angry at the doctors who made 'technical errors' and at my sister for needing this in the first place, but responsibility DOES lie with me. I made the choice to go through with what I did whatever the outcome. I took the risks, and I need to take the consequences too. Good or bad. It is not easy to look at this way. I want the doctors to be at fault, and pity from the world would be nice. But not right. I am putting myself in control by taking responsibility. I am free of anger and resentment. Anyone else learning anything important from this chapter?

Posted by mimi on 6/11/2001, 6:02 pm , in reply to "I'll tell you what's not fair...."
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anything in my life right now that I haven't dealt with and that I think is not fair. My husband has passed away, but we had many good years together. God sent him into my life at a terrible time, and now God has called him back to himself. I cannot complain. There have been injustices and hurt in my life, but these are forgiven and I am at peace with them. I find strength daily from my deep faith and a sense of love for myself and for those around me, for those I know and those I have yet to meet.

Get Real is the title of Chapter 1 and it is my mantra.
Posted by Carol on 6/11/2001, 6:33 pm , in reply to "Dr. Phil McGraw's "Life Strategies" Chapter One!!!!!"
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Dr. Phil says, "the person you most need to stand up to in this world is YOU." Throughout the years I have blamed everyone and everything else for my overeating. "If only" this were so, "if only" we had more money, "if only" things would go like I wanted has been my excuse/reason for turning to food.
The biggest realization for me is accepting the fact that I am accountable for my life, NO MATTER what the extenuating circumstances are. I cannot control what happens to me, but I can control my responses. That is my new objective: to find other ways of coping with life besides stuffing my face.

I am headed where I want to go and I am proud of my gift of commonsense. I sometimes thank God for this food problem because it has brought me to my knees and made me deal with my inner self. I have learned so much and continue to learn. It affects every aspect of my life.

No, I am not settling for what is easy and safe!!! It is easy to stuff my face, and much harder to overcome it. I am not settling for second rate. I got myself in this situation and I am going to get myself out.

To me the fact that we are accountable for our own lives frees me. I find it empowering to think that I am the one who can do something about this. Who better?

WHEN YOU CHOOSE THE BAHAVIOR, YOU CHOOSE THE CONSEQUENCES!!!

You don't live, choose, or manage your life in a vacuum. It happens in a context called the world. Mayberry no longer exists. The world has changed. It is tough out there. Our world is like an unguided missile, with more speed then control. America, in varying degrees is failing. Violence is rampant. Families are falling apart. Our teenagers are heading in the wrong direction. As a society, we are losing it.

We project an outward image of "I'm alright. I can take it. I'll be okay," because we fear judgment. WELL, IT'S NOT OKAY AND WE BETTER START CHANGING THE WORLD ONE LIFE AT A TIME, OR GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THE MILLENNIUM WILL HOLD.

We hide our problems and judge those who don't or can't hide theirs. It's not working, people -- not even close. We have forgotten the basic laws of living in general, and living together in particular -- and therefore violate them constantly.

Assignment #1

Your first assignment is to challenge your beliefs right now, by listing, in order of significance, the top five things in your life that you simply failed to fully and completely admit or acknowledge to yourself.

Ask yourself some of those hard questions about what you would rather NOT think about. Write them down. Keep a journal. We'll be referring to them later. What is it that you know in your heart is a problem that you haven't acknowledged or at least is so painful that you avoid it?
 

Much to ponder...
Posted by Cas on 6/13/2001, 11:13 am , in reply to "Life Strategies - Chapter One continues..."
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I can't imagine what it would be like to walk in a room and not feel judged. To fully experience a moment and not be constantly thinking "Are they looking at me, talking about me, laughing at me?"
I don't give myself enough credit, and it is so hard to love yourself when your standards are always shooting for the 'perfect 10'. It has created a lack of control for me because I know it is not achievable. I have no control. When it comes to most anything. I shout, I am unorganized, and I overeat. So, the things that I fail to admit would be: I can have control. I need to take responsibility, I AM worth more than I give myself credit for. That's only three, I know, but it is a start.

Carol, hun, you are doing a great job with the notes, but I think you should respond too! I am lonely here!
 

Okay, Cas, you got it!!!
Posted by Carol on 6/13/2001, 11:34 am , in reply to "Life Strategies - Chapter One continues..."
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What patterns are detrimental to my life? We don't have enough room here!!! I will be more detailed in my journal, but let me say for discussion that my habit of taking the easy way is my biggest deterrent to weight loss. I use food to cope with life -- every aspect of life generally, rather it is stress, or joy, or anger, you name it. It is EASIER to turn to food and numb myself, blocking out the real feelings. It is a coward's way of living. It is cheating myself.
What am I missing by cowering behind food and not facing my world? I personally committed to living my life with passion. That means, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Facing the challenges in my life and giving food it's correct place in it is vital. I have totally given food too much value!!! How insulting to the other areas of my life to dwell on food, and to continue to behave in the same way.

I know what to eat, what to do.....we all do!!! It is not about that. Dr. Phil amazes me how he gets to the core of things. He forces me to look at my reality, my behavior, my soul. I do believe that I am the Captain of my soul and I will prevail in this. I can control my world and my responses to it. I need to find other real ways of coping. Maybe we can do that together.

Where are all of you who wanted to take this journey with Dr. Phil? Please share with us. Hope this is not a study of just Chapter 1!!!! There is so much we can learn here, if you are willing.

Still sugar free and proud of it!!!!!! Taking control feels great!!

Thanks Carol! Having a much better day today- staying away from the
Posted by Cas on 6/13/2001, 3:25 pm , in reply to "Okay, Cas, you got it!!! "
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peanut butter! I am taking it to heart that I am personally responsible for everything that happens to me. I am the only one who decides what goes in my mouth and I am the only one who decides why. I am not afraid of being responsible. It is easy as you say to 'cower' behind the food. But what an insult is right! I am completely missing the point of conflict resolution and in turn experiencing life to the fullest when food becomes my priority. Why not have a litle joy, anger, fear in your life. Scary as it is- it's value is much more real than the value we give to food. You have a great point and rationalization. Thanks for sharing! It is nice to not feel so alone in my thinking.

 

Posted by GetReal on 6/18/2001, 7:19 am
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The fundamental Life Laws that govern our world and dictate the results of our conduct have not changed. Ignoring these laws has created huge problems.
You're living in the real world and dealing with real problems that need real change. You don't need insight and understanding into your problems, you need them to change, RIGHT NOW.

You need a new strategy -- badly -- a strategy for winning by overcoming your problems, patterns, and obstacles, and getting what you want in this life, for you, and those you care about.

"Winning" can mean different things: having a meaningful relationship, getting a better job, a skinny butt, inner peace, a close family life, being your own woman, independence, or other meaningful goal. You need a strategy to get there.

There is a science to strategic living. This book is about how to reach -- in a strategic way -- for something better. You are either winning or losing in your life -- plain and simple.

Resolve now that you will no longer live by the old adage that "ignorance is bliss," Unblissfully allowing your choices and behaviors to cause you pain and fear rather than peace and joy.

It is time to step up to the plate and make a commitment

Instead of asking whether the way you are living, behaving, and thinking is "right," I want you to ask whether the way you are living, behaving, and thinking is WORKING or NOT WORKING.

IF WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT WORKING, CHANGE IT!!!

Life Laws are the rules of the game. No one is going to ask you if you think these laws are fair, or if you think they should exist. Like the law of gravity, they simply are. You don't get a vote. You can ignore them and stumble along, wondering why you never seem to succeed; or you can learn them, adapt to them, mold your choices and behavior to them, and live effectively.

Who among you will step forward and make the commitment:
"I have had it. I am sick of this. Show me the Life Laws. Show me how to live strategically and show me how to create what I want in my life. I AM READY."

 

Well said! What I am doing isn't working. Time for me to step up and take
Posted by Cas on 6/18/2001, 3:08 pm , in reply to ""Life Strategies" by Dr. Phil McGraw - Finishing Chapter 1 notes."
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the bat. Nobody but me will ever lose this weight on my body. Nobody will 'give' me the self esteem I need to do better for myself. I am the only one who can take accountability for my actions, and I will be the only one responsible. It IS up to me. I guess it won't always be fair or comfortable, but at any rate, by saying that I have accountability for my actions says that I am in control. Nobody else. That is a great feeling. I am a loser because of ME. I want to be a winner. That too is up to me!