Your strategy: Become one of those who get it. Learn why you and other people do what they do. Be one of the people who has figured it out. In almost every situation, there are people who get it and there are people who don't -- and it is really easy to tell them apart. Those who get it are enjoying the fruits of their knowledge.

The "IT" that you need to get may change from time to time, depending upon the situation, but there will be some common elements. You will be working from a foundation of knowledge and strength once you understand how things really work.

Just like when you break a criminal law, when you break a Life Law, there are penalties. When you don't get it, when you don't have the necessary skills, when you don't understand the rules of the game, such as which behaviors get results, or have a strategy, you won't be successful. You'll be left behind by those who know the rules, have the skills, and have a plan.

Ask yourself, "What am I not ‘getting' in the most important areas of my life?"

Know this: If you learn the 10 Laws of Life, you will definitely be one of the people who get it.

Clearly, you have to be willing to learn some things you don't know, so you can begin to make better choices and decisions. The kind of knowledge you will have is that which defines and makes the difference between really LIVING and JUST EXISTING.

Existing is instinctual, involuntary, reactive self-preservation -- just getting by day by day.

Living is the exercise of certain learned skills, attitudes, and abilities that you have acquired and honed to a sharp and focused edge.

To have the quality of life that is unique and rewarding, you need to use your knowledge to make things happen the way you want them to. You need to learn how and why you do what you do, and don't do what you don't do.

Information is power. We stumble through life without training: how to be married, how to be a parent, etc. Nobody has ever taught us the fundamentals. We depend on role models, and our role models may be providing us with the wrong information. Sometimes, the hardest part of learning something new is unlearning the old way of doing things.

Assignment #2 Adopt the attitude of questioning and challenging everything in your life that you can identify as having been accepted on blind faith or as having been adopted out of tradition or history. Make a list of the patterns in your personal, professional, family, and social areas. Do you do things in a certain way because someone else (who didn't know anymore than you ) did them that way?

Yes, stumbling around is getting old. I would LOVE a clear picture of
Posted by Cas on 6/19/2001, 11:05 am , in reply to "Life Strategies - Chapter 2 You Either Get It Or You Don't"
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Where I am headed. Fear has kept me from a lot. I think that once I acknowledge that I can allow myself to make better choices. You don't know what is holding you back until you start asking yourself these tough questions and get real answers. Look hard!
 

Automatic behavior.
Posted by Gwyneth on 6/20/2001, 4:29 am , in reply to "Life Strategies - Chapter 2 You Either Get It Or You Don't"
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I've come to the conclusion that in different area's (food, friendship) of my life, I've done things and acted in certain ways for so long, they have become some sort of survival skills.
And every time I'm in a situation I can't handle, I almost AUTOMATICALLY grab back and slip into these patterns.

Because I always have, because it feels safe, because it comforts me.
But in the end the outcome is negative, it holds me back.
 

To deal effectively with people you hope to influence in your life, such as your family, your spouse, and your boss, you have to know them to move them -- to persuade them to see things your way. You need to know what they value, are they ethical, what do they expect out of life, what fears do they have, what is their philosophy of life, how do they feel about others and themselves, and what do they want most in their lives?

The 10 most significant common characteristics of people:
1. #1 fear among all people is rejection.
2. #1 need among all people is acceptance.
3. To manage people effectively, you mst do it in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem
4. Everybody approaches every situation with at least some concern about "what's in it for me."
5. Everybody prefers to talk about things that are important to them personally.
6. People hear and incorporate only what they understand.
7. People like, trust, and believe those who like them.
8. People often do things for other than the apparent reasons.
9. Even people of quality can be, and often are, petty and small.
10. Everybody wears a social mask. You must look beyond the mask to see the person.

Are these observations true of you?
 

Hmm, doesn't this sound familiar.
Posted by Gwyneth on 6/20/2001, 7:21 am , in reply to "Chapter 2 continued...You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.""
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I think when we keep these 10 characteristics in mind, we'll be able to have much deeper relationships with others.
And this also makes it much easier to understand certain behavior and see through it.

I find that almost all these characteristics apply to me, and as I grow older and meet more people and have more intense relationships with them, I find that the first of this list plays a big part in my relationships especially with women. I'm really working on that one.
 

I had no idea until a few weeks ago
Posted by Cas on 6/20/2001, 12:03 pm , in reply to "Chapter 2 continued...You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better.""
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That fear was running my life. Fear of failing, fear of rejection, fear of fear, to be honest! I chose to ignore it and used every other out or excuse I could think of to dismiss my behavior. Think about it: My friend treats me badly. I say well, she's not a nice person, she uses me. No actually, I allow her to treat me poorly because I am afraid she will reject me if I fail to please her. So I decide to make a choice that will give ME value. I am who matters, and I have worth. No one but me can give me that.

Chapter 2 of Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw (cont)
Posted by Get Real on 6/21/2001, 7:25 am
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Be a gatherer.
Become an attentive student of human nature, gathering data every single day as you're moving in the world. It's all about attitude. Open your door tomorrow with a commitment to pay attention to how people are behaving and why.

Experiment with the observations. Test out characteristic #2: The number 1 need among all people is acceptance. Go to a restaurant, a store, or somewhere where you have interaction with someone, and acknowledge the waiter or clerk directly. Comment on how hard they are working and how difficult their job might be. This will convey a message of acceptance and you will probably see an upturn in their treatment of you.

You know that certain people are successful and other people are not. Make a study of how they differ. You probably think I am teaching you how to be manipulative. You are right. Manipulation is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. Manipulation is a bad thing only when it is selfish, insidious, and works to the detriment of your target.

The person you spend the most time with is you.

Even more important than having the knowledge to predict human behavior or control other people is having the knowledge to predict and control yourself. Knowing how to be an effective manager of others can be helpful; it is exponentially more important to be an effective manager of yourself. The person you most need to power and influence is you. The person whose negative characteristics and behavior patterns you most need the power to minimize or eliminate, and whose positive characteristics and behavior patterns you most need to maximize, is you. It requires knowledge to change: How did you develop the negative characteristic in the first place, why you persist in it, and more importantly, how to replace it wil more positive, constructive characteristics.

You have to understand how you work, from the inside out -- what makes you feel the way you feel. While you are paying attention to how the world works, pay special attention to how it is reacting to you.

You either get it or you don't.
 

Posted by Gwyneth on 6/22/2001, 2:56 am , in reply to "Chapter 2 of Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw (cont)"
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I'm gonna print this and read over and over again.
Learning about controlling myself and positivity towards others is definitely something I need to work on.

Thanks for giving me such a great key to start this today!